It's time...

Right now it's nap time.  That means for the next two hours my house is silent AND clean.  Normally, I turn on the DVR and catch up on Kardashians or I'm Having Their Baby {slightly obsessed..} and pump.  However, today I am TV-less and listening to the tick-tock of my clocks without having to pump.  So peaceful!

I've started weaning off breastfeeding these last few weeks.  It's so hard!  There are so many good reasons to do it...and so many good reasons to not do it.   I've been in a battle with myself over stopping and I've finally pulled the plug -- literally.  So here's the scoop...

Goods...
Kate is phenominal.  I mean, outstanding!  She's happy, she sleeps well (8-8 last night!!), and smiles all the time.  She rarely cries.  Therefore, my milk must be doing something good for her.  {enter the guilty feeling}  Breastmilk is free, it burns 500+ calories a day, and I get tons of it.  Like, an entire deep freeze we have is filled with it.  I pump 6 times a day (on top of feeding her) and get 16 oz in my morning pump alone!  I know, that's crazy.  Breastmilk stays fresh forever, so I just fill a bottle, toss it in the diaper bag and we're off.  No powder/water mess or anything.  So, it's easy, cheap, and good for all of us.   Oh, and we gave Kate a few formula bottles just to see how she handled them and she was the same baby.

Bads...
I have to pump 6 times a day.  If I need to run errands, I can only be gone for a few hours.  I must wear clothes that are easily removed at all times.  My boobs are huge.  Not joking.  I have pumped on the floor, in random bathrooms, in my bedroom, living room, basements, pretty much anywhere I am.  There are 1,657 parts to wash each time I pump.  I'm starting a new 5th grade position next year and do not have 'set' planning times, so pumping is a ridiculous option when I'm back to work at the end of summer.  Having a toddler AND pumping is not fun.  Jack even knows how to use my pump!  I've been working out at the Y every morning and in order to run, I pump before and right after I get home!  Annoying.

I decided I was ready to stop breastfeeding/pumping so that I can get back to normal before school starts and can enjoy my last few weeks of summer without the annoying wah-oh-wah-oh noise in the background.  It's not that easy, though.  The first day I "tried" to stop, I ended up continuing and explaining to Eric that I will pump forever {the guilty feeling is overwhelming, you know}.  Two days later I decided I was really ready to stop -- that was yesterday.  My boobs are engorged, leaking, and are crazy-out-of-control.  But, I'm ready to be done.  I have a freezer filled with enough milk to literally feed Kate through her 1st birthday, if not longer.  She loves formula.  My regular bras are calling my name.  Today, I feel okay with my decision to stop.  I am only pumping twice {once in the am and once before bed} just to relieve some pressure.  I am hoping to pull the plug on my pump and pack that baby away by the end of the week.

I am excited for:  regular bras, waking up without giant boobs, working out without the worry, hanging with friends and not having to excuse myself from all of the fun, and kissing goodbye to all of my pump parts. And, all of my freedom and extra time.  Yesterday, instead of pumping I made Kate some adorable new bows.

This is hard.  I'm making the right decision.  I mean, Kate will be FIVE MONTHS in a week or so...that's A LOT OF PUMPING!  It's just milk, right?!  I think I can, I think I can... =)

UPDATE!  It's been nearly a week of weaning myself off this whole breastfeeding thing.  I can honestly say I am completely comfortable with my decision!  I am still pumping 1-2 times a day...and just a few ounces at a time.  It took four days of misery before I finally was able to find some relief from all of the pressure, heat, pain, and engorgement --- which is NOT easy while being at home with both kids.  I cried twice...and I never cry.  This stuff is not easy!  We've figured out the perfect mixture of breastmilk and formula and Kate is just the same amazing baby as before.  I'm learning how to handle my frozen/thawed breastmilk and am adjusting well to all of my newly found time and freedom!  I'm hoping to say goodbye to my pump and hello to growing kiddos.

I love being a mom.  Like, really love being a mom.